One of my favorite comedy sketches of all time is “Who’s on First?” by Bud Abbott and Lou Costello. It is sometimes known as “Baseball” and was first performed in 1938. The premise of the bit is two people communicating about different baseball players on a team. As one attempts to explain the positions of the players to the other, their communication gets more and more confused and misinterpreted, resulting in both conversationalists being frustrated. Most listeners and viewers are chuckling in no time. It is a great example of the very human experience of miscommunication.
Communication affects all of us daily and has the power to impact us for moments, hours, days, or even weeks. It can cause a wide range of emotions from sadness, anger, joy, and beyond. Yet, we often don’t realize its power as we bustle about our day. It can disappoint our most anticipated experiences, repair our most cherished relationships, and validate our most vulnerable feelings in just mere moments. Considering ways to engage in effective and dare I say, healthier communication can be life changing.
As a Clinical Social Worker, I’m often asked “How can I get them to hear me?” Unfortunately, we can’t make anyone do anything, but we can certainly use intentional interpersonal skills to truly give it our best shot.
Effective communication considers both the speaker and the listener in its most basic form. Here are some adapted tips to consider when communicating with others based on the principles of the Dialectical Behavioral Therapy model (2015):
• Know what you want to communicate. When we aren’t sure what we want, the possibility for confusion to set in is more likely. This also helps us to know our “deal breakers.”
• Be respectful and gentle. This reduces the chance of escalation toward conflict or heightened emotions.
• Communication is both verbal and non-verbal. Consider what your eyebrows, face and body are doing as you may be giving off a message inconsistent with your words.
• Consider compromise and all folks involved in the conversation. When we are open to additional outcomes, this allows us to problem solve and consider things we perhaps didn’t think about before. Furthermore, when we consider others, it allows us to be present in the conversation and fosters the opportunity to hear what others have to say.
• Keep it simple. Direct and brief statements that are non-accusatory can help the listener not to get “lost” in the details.
• Be the speaker and the listener.
It’s important to engage in both roles when trying to effectively communicate since communication is generally a two-way street. These are just quick and simple tips. Certainly, miscommunication can still occur even when every foreseeable confusion is prevented. Even in the best of circumstances, we still might get it “wrong.” It’s important to give ourselves and others a little compassion when we can because if nothing else, communication is complex.
If you found these practices helpful, consider looking for additional ways to incorporate them into your day through online resources or apps, books on communication or boundary setting or even within a therapy setting a trained clinician. Take care! References: Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT skills training handouts and worksheets (2nd ed.). The Guilford Press.
Sara Camilleri is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in the state of Michigan. She has been in practice for over 11 years working in both the public and private mental health sectors. She has had the honor of serving several different communities including those living with developmental disabilities, anxiety, stress, depression, and much more. She is a proud member of the National Association of Social Workers. She works with adults from a variety of backgrounds in her telehealth-based practice Sand River Therapy. For more information about her, visit www.sandrivertherapy. com
