We all have things from our past that have challenged us and may continue to challenge us, and we all have things that we go through from time to time that seem to make us question everything.
Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, separation from your spouse, financial stresses, losing a job or something else entirely, there are plenty of life situations that require us to give ourselves a little more TLC.
You may have memories of times like this that still linger in the back of your mind, or you may be going through a time like this as we speak. But whatever the case is for you, know that you are not alone, and that it is OK to not be OK.
Let me start by saying that you don’t have to pretend like everything is great or like you are not struggling when you are going through hard times. It is OK to have moments or periods in your life when you just need a little more help or when you need to give yourself a little more love and grace.
Contrary to popular belief, it is OK to not be OK.
There is a big misconception in our society that feeling or showing your emotions makes you weak and that keeping it all zipped up inside of you or not letting it bother you is a sign of “strength.”
But the fact of the matter is that holding everything inside and refusing to acknowledge your difficult emotions is likely to keep you feeling stuck, unhappy and vulnerable.
Our country is facing an unprecedented mental health crisis. Statistically, one in every five people has experienced symptoms of anxiety, depression or other mental health conditions in the last year.
Saying that “it’s OK to not be OK” does not necessarily mean you are “accepting” feeling stuck in whatever you’re going through, or that you plan to surrender to the discomfort and remain in it for as long as possible.
But it does mean acknowledging the pain is real and that your feelings are valid — and only after being aware of something can we start to heal from it or to fix it in some way. If you are always only pretending as though everything is great when it’s really not, you aren’t doing yourself any favors and are only hurting yourself in the long run.
No one’s life is perfect, and if you see someone’s life looking “perfect” from the outside, there’s a good chance they are just doing a really good job at hiding something. Oftentimes, when people are hurting on the inside or going through something very challenging, they may try to portray that they are living a “perfect life” almost as a defense mechanism.
This could be done to ward off questions or offers of help from others or simply to make themselves feel better. But the bottom line is that if you are comparing yourself to someone who seems to be living a perfect life, remind yourself of this. Comparison is the thief of joy, and no one is immune to facing life’s difficulties.
When these times in life come, sticking like glue to your health and fitness routines may not be the best course of action. And that is perfectly fine.
Yes, it usually helps to keep yourself active and eat healthy foods to some degree, but it is also vitally important to do things simply because they feel good and you enjoy them. Period.
You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone.
For instance, if it stresses you out too much to make it to the gym four times a week, allow yourself the freedom and flexibility to do shorter home workouts or opt for daily walks instead of your typical gym routine for the time being.
A lot of the time, just taking one energy commitment off your plate during hard times can be a life saver. Tell yourself you’ll get back into your “normal” routine in due time. For now, just do what you’re able to without adding more stress to your life.
There are many things you can do during difficult times to help yourself feel better. Here are a few:
• Allow yourself to experience, express and release any difficult emotions that come up during this time.
• Exercise/move your body, but also get plenty of rest.
• Eat nutritious foods, but also eat some indulgent foods you love ( just because you love them).
• Talk with a friend or a therapist (or both).
• Do things you enjoy — hobbies, recreational activities, mini-vacations or staycations, etc.
• Prioritize sleep.
• Be kind to yourself inside your head.
• Remind yourself to consider various perspectives.
• Practice gratitude.
• Don’t be afraid to cry or scream or beat on a pillow to let out those uncomfortable emotions that we typically tend to shove down deep inside of us. Allow those difficult emotions to come to the surface so that you can release them and so that they can release their hold on you.
It is OK to not be OK. But when we convince ourselves that there is something wrong with not being OK, that is when life becomes even harder. That is when we feel discouraged and think there is something wrong with us. That is how we hold ourselves in the challenge even longer, because we keep reminding ourselves of what we see as our shortcomings.
Don’t wait until you’re drowning to ask for help. Ask for help before you feel like you need it.
Recognize the situation you are in, and reach out to friends, family, church family or gym family for support or to help with even small daily tasks like picking up dinner for your family one night during the week. It is not weak to ask for help. On the contrary, it is the sign of a strong and secure person.
Lastly, take a few moments to remind yourself of the difficulties you’ve made it through thus far in your life.
When you stop and remember how you made it through other tough times, it can help you to see that this too shall pass, and one day soon, it will also be some form of memory — sure, that might be a painful or uncomfortable memory, but nonetheless, the time will pass.
Allow yourself the love and grace to be kind to yourself during these times and know that the sun will shine again.
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It is OK to have moments or periods in your life when you just need a little more help or when you need to give yourself a little more love and grace.
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